


a spring haze

by bell (belldreams), belldreams, usomitai (belldreams)



Series: a spring haze [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 02:12:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15233109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belldreams/pseuds/bell, https://archiveofourown.org/users/belldreams/pseuds/belldreams, https://archiveofourown.org/users/belldreams/pseuds/usomitai
Summary: Obi-Wan kisses Anakin back because he believes in him.





	a spring haze

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to @gffa (Tumblr) and @zulu (DW) for your support & feedback! ❤

_So I know it’s just a spring haze_  
_But I don’t much like the look of it_  
_And all we do is circle it_

_— “Spring Haze” by Tori Amos_

 

The fire’s sparks flickered bright and wild. Just for the fun of it, Anakin threw another piece of kindling in. The air was thick with smoke, almost sweet with the burning of cedar. The flames burst into the reds and oranges of his favourite stars, the kinds holding onto their final vestiges before exploding into unimaginable chaos. He found it comforting. This fire was almost as satisfying as his day’s work. Almost. It’d been a good day for the Republic. He’d seen to it that a frigate’s worth of Seppies went down.

“Room for two?”

There was no need to turn around to identify his company. Of course it was Obi-Wan. There were a million ways he’d already known. He’d sensed him yards away, the Force feeding him that tingle in his veins. The fact that Obi-Wan’s hours of repose were as routine as a droid’s operating code. Obi-Wan always, but always, came to find him after a day on the field. And finally, just the familiarity of Obi-Wan’s voice. Anakin would know it anywhere, anytime. He could be amnesiac and still that voice would strike his very heart with the core knowledge that he could count on him, to hell and back.

Anakin stretched his arms over his head. Without intending to, he began to relax. With Obi-Wan he could begin to let his guard down. Even if the enemy forces ambushed them, together they’d make short work of them. Unwinding felt good. The fire’s heat was beginning to penetrate his weary muscles, inviting them to rest. “Did you bring food?”

“I know better than to come empty-handed.” Obi-Wan tossed him a couple of packages of protein bars.

“Fancy.”

“Very funny, but I was too busy fighting for the Republic to make you a feast.” Obi-Wan lowered himself next to Anakin. His arm braces were streaked with mud and metallic streaks. The “droid guts,” as the 501st called it, were near impossible to wipe off. Why even bother when there’d be more with the next skirmish?

They each tore into the crinkling food packaging. Then there was no sound but that of the crackling fire and their slow, thoughtful chewing. It was no feast, but when you got to be as hungry Anakin after a day’s— maybe more, when was the last time he ate?— worth of fighting and yelling and running, anything was a luxury. And he couldn’t fault the company.

“Good weather,” Obi-Wan remarked. His gaze was raised high to the stars. He looked impossibly calm. Anakin didn’t know how he could be so peaceful. From his expression he looked like he’d spent the last few weeks dazzling about the upper crusts of Coruscant night life with operas and five-course meals. Sometimes Anakin tried imagining containing that much tranquility within but--call it a lack of imagination--he just couldn’t. He could no more imagine feeling such peace than he could turn inside out.  “Should be clear for the rest of the night.”

“What, don’t you want to talk strategy?” Anakin couldn’t resist prodding. Testing Obi-Wan’s mood. “Don’t you want to tell me how I should’ve flanked right instead of left? I’m sure you’re dying to tell me all the ways I messed up today.” Anakin wasn’t one to think of the past, but that’s what he had Obi-Wan for.

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at him. He held the silence out so long Anakin began to squirm, uncomfortable. When he spoke, his tone was smooth. “Far be it for me to slack off, but there is worth in rest. Let’s leave our regrets in the past, and face our tomorrow when it comes.” He patted Anakin on the back and the gesture was so warm and familiar that Anakin could only lean in. “But I think I know what you’re getting at.” Obi-Wan’s arm slid around his waist, pulling him in closer. “You did well today, my friend. I couldn’t be prouder.”

Anakin’s world went still. What had he just heard? “What?” he blurted out.

“Fishing for compliments, are we?” Obi-Wan chuckled. His mirth and fondness nearly undid Anakin. “Very well. Today I had the opportunity to watch you leading your men, and I had no idea you’d come so far. They look up to you, Anakin. And with good reason. You are a good general to them. I see how you take into consideration into their abilities and motivate them to be braver. Of course, I wish you wouldn’t be _quite_ so reckless with yourself, but I recognize that might be asking too much.”

Anakin’s incredulity finally caught up to him and he gave a short bark of a laugh. “What, you kidding with me?”

But even as his disbelief made this all seem surreal, Obi-Wan’s arm was firm and strong around him. He smelled of wet dirt and the ozone of droid lasers. Obi-Wan considered him with a serious look. “Now why would I do a thing like that?”

It was real. Really real. Anakin clenched his hand around the rough cotton of his tunic. Obi-Wan was recognizing _him_ . What _he’d_ done.

This was it. It was now or never. He pressed in. The protein ration was strong on Obi-Wan’s breath and it was all he could taste. The kiss started out soft, just lips. But as it sank in that he was kissing _Obi-Wan_ , and that Obi-wan was _letting_ him, and kissing back, their mouths opened. Obi-Wan was gentle yet firm. Just as he’d ever been with Anakin, in teaching and in camaraderie.

They parted slowly. Slow enough to belie how hard Anakin’s heart hammered in his chest. This would change everything. Maybe not for the better. Maybe he’d ruined things between them. Maybe he’d been wrong in thinking Obi-Wan was returning the kiss and maybe he was furious—

“I was wondering when you’d get around to that,” Obi-Wan said. His smile was the same. Wry yet bright.

Anakin couldn’t speak at first. His mind was blank. “When I’d get around?”

“Certainly.” Obi-Wan ran his fingers over the frame of Anakin’s face. His eyes shone. “I figured you’d kiss me sooner or later.” Their faces hovered near each other, almost but not quite touching. Anakin was light-headed with the proximity. He could kiss Obi-Wan again. _Would_. His joy was that of bursting past terminal velocity, thrilled by the adventure ahead. He couldn’t resist nuzzling him. All the better to memorize this moment. Crystallize in his mind the day Obi-Wan and he came together.

“You’re not upset?” In every scenario Anakin had ever run through his mind of this very moment, he’d seen it ending in indignation. He’d listed every reason Obi-Wan would refuse the touch: they weren’t allowed love. It was inappropriate for a Jedi Master to kiss their former Padawan. They had to remember the bigger picture. And, likeliest and worst of all, the possibility that Obi-Wan simply wouldn’t want to. Anakin still couldn’t quite believe he’d managed to kiss him despite his fears. And now Obi-Wan was saying it’d just been a question of _time_?

“On the contrary. I was hoping for sooner.” Obi-Wan said. The answer was simultaneously so enraging and hot that Anakin was torn between giving him a tackling punch and pulling him down over him. The two urges met somewhere in the middle, with Anakin giving a loud growl of annoyance as he grabbed the back of Obi-Wan’s head for a long, deep kiss. He could almost lose himself in this. Almost.

“Why didn’t you ever _say_ anything?”

This close, Obi-Wan’s eyes were heart-stoppingly blue. His fingers trailed down Anakin’s throat in a gesture so intimate Anakin almost couldn’t bear it. “You had to be the first one to make a move. I had to wait until you were ready— if you ever were.” Anakin shut his eyes. Obi-Wan’s consideration was overwhelming. He always put everyone else first. As for Anakin, only his own fear of disapproval and rejection had held him back— not Obi-Wan’s own needs. All over again Anakin was reminded just how much more honourable his former Master was. Compared to him, Anakin was worthless.

This was no good. All the praise and affection Anakin had ever let himself dare dream of from Obi-Wan and now he couldn’t stomach his touch. Even while praising him, Obi-Wan made Anakin feel cut down to size. Anakin turned his face away. He knew it’d be enough to stop Obi-Wan from kissing him any further— he was infuriatingly intuitive like that. Anakin knew he himself would’ve ignored the tacit appeal if their places were reversed. “Anakin?” Obi-Wan prompted.

He didn’t want Obi-Wan’s kindness or love. It’d just make him hate himself more. “I’m beat,” Anakin said as an excuse. “We have another long day tomorrow, let’s call it a night.”

Obi-Wan gave him one last shoulder squeeze before standing up. “I understand.” What did he understand? Anakin didn’t know which was worse, if he did or didn’t. “We’ll infiltrate the base tomorrow as planned.”

As he walked off, Anakin heard him coming Cody with their location and instructions for tending to the troops for the next few hours. Right. Anakin did the same for Rex.

Anakin sighed. Leaned his elbows on his knees and stared gloomily into the fire. Now what? He wasn’t going to sleep. Obi-Wan had gone off a few meters away and was probably already snoring somewhere in the grass. He was annoyingly talented at falling asleep wherever they were, whatever the circumstances. With the men needing to get their own rest, there was nobody for Anakin to talk to. Just him and his thoughts for the next few hours.

He picked up a longish stick and poked at the fire. The flames ate into it, consuming the wood into black, crumbling ash. What if this had been his only chance? What if he could’ve had anything he’d wanted from Obi-Wan and he’d thrown it away like garbage? What if he’d ruined _everything_? Typical. Anakin threw the stick back into the pit in angry disgust. He couldn’t do anything right. Everything around him was always ruined. Always, always.

He stared into the bright fire, anxiety firmly rooting itself in his heart. Was there nothing left to salvage?

*

One moment Obi-Wan was asleep and the next he was not. It was that fast. He seized the hand reaching for his waist and pulled, ready to throw down whoever it was trying to straddle him. No one would catch him off guard. But even as his automatic defences kicked in, he was intuitively pulling himself back. He caught a familiar scent. A warm, beloved brush in the Force. This wasn’t foe. It was—  

“Hey! C’mon, it’s me!”

His eyes opened. Anakin hovered over him, trying to yank his hand back. With a blink Obi-Wan caught more detail in the flickering light. Anakin’s reddened face, his slack lips. Heard his panting. But that looked like arousal. Angry arousal, but arousal nonetheless. He glanced downward. Anakin was stripped from the waist down, his cock jutting out. Obi-Wan’s dick gave a jolt. So that was what he was smelling. Pre-come and sweat and excitement. Anakin was poised over him ready for— if Obi-Wan wasn’t mistaken, which he wasn’t often— a thorough fucking.

His voice tightened to show restraint. “And here I thought we were going to take it slow.”

“Just shut up,” Anakin snarled. He got his hand free and pawed at Obi-Wan’t belt. He fumbled. He’d never get anything off at that rate. Obi-Wan helped him, deftly pulling everything off, getting harder by the second. This wasn’t how he’d imagined their first time. He’d assumed Anakin would want to go slow; romantic, even. He should’ve known his mercurial, impulsive friend would take him by surprise. Anakin should’ve _asked_ , instead of accosting him in his sleep, but then again, you might as well ask him to be a completely different person. Obi-Wan liked him the way he was, impulsiveness and all.

So much of their work together was in perfect, mute synch that as they came together, the habit continued. Obi-Wan lifted his hips and Anakin tore his linen pants off. They rolled for Obi-Wan to be over him, Anakin’s knee pulled up high to give Obi-Wan access. One thing couldn’t be wordless, though. “We have to get you ready,” Obi-Wan panted. There should be oil vials in one of their pouches.

“Already did.”

Incredulous, Obi-Wan stroked down Anakin’s cock, through his pubic hair, then further back. His hole was sticky with lube. The touch made Anakin give a contented sigh, the closest thing to happy Obi-Wan had seen him since waking up. Taking that sigh as consent, Obi-Wan slipped his fingers in further towards his entrance. His breath caught at what he found. Anakin wasn’t just thoroughly wet. He was stretched wide and ready. “You did this? When?”

Anakin’s angry face brooked no answer. “When do you think.”

Gently, he probed further. One finger slid in easily, as did two, then three. Mind pulsing with want, Obi-Wan opened his lips against Anakin’s for a demanding kiss, tongues meeting around ragged breath. With a shift, Obi-Wan was in knuckle-deep and Anakin was keening softly, rocking his hips for more. It was almost overwhelming, inside him so suddenly with tongue and finger. He could _taste_ Anakin. It felt good to translate what he’d scented for so long into taste. He bit Anakin’s lip, luxuriating in exploring him. “You could wake me up for it, next time.”

It was hard to read Anakin’s eyes in this light. “There’s going to be a—“ his words broke from a gasp. It was probably from how Obi-Wan was now slowly finger-fucking him. “A next time?”

In, out. In, out. Anakin trembled, pinned as he was. Such a simple action for such a riveting reaction. His eyelashes fluttered and Obi-Wan felt a wave of affection for his dear, old friend. Appreciative that he’d share this vulnerability with him. Obi-Wan could not see the future, but neither could he imagine of tiring of witnessing Anakin like this. “If you wish.” With a groan, Anakin tilted his head back. It was an invitation to mouth his throat, which Obi-Wan did, sucking at sweaty skin. How wonderful they could be like this.

“Now,” Anakin demanded. “Get in me, now.”

Obi-Wan chuckled. “Aren’t I already?” To prove his point, he drove his hand back in.

“Unh,” Anakin grunted, his whole body flexing. “You’re just— _c’mon_.”

To be honest, Obi-Wan didn’t care to delay any further, either. The teasing was just too fun to resist. “Very well.” He gave Anakin a quick kiss, which seemed to quell his burst of petulance. Again in silent cooperation, Anakin spread his legs, wrapping them around Obi-Wan.

“Faster,” Anakin insisted.

“I know.” He just… had to pace himself, however driven he felt from Anakin’s impatience. Even with Anakin this stretched, he still needed to go slow. Obi-Wan gripped his hard cock— _fuck_ that felt good— and tilted its head into Anakin’s entrance. “Tell me if—“

“Please,” and this time it was a plea. “Please, just—“

Obi-Wan moaned. Just to hear him like that— maybe Anakin was falling apart at the delay, but this moment had been a long time coming for Obi-Wan, too. “Here goes.” His dick slid in easily into Anakin’s body and it just felt _amazing_ , sticky and warm and he could feel Anakin’s tremors all along his length. “Oh. _Oh_ .” Against his ears he felt more than head Anakin’s own appreciative noises. He moved in deeper, deeper. “You feel—“ This time it was Anakin closing the distance, digging his heels into the small of his back, and now Obi-Wan was in _all_ the way, completely sheathed.

“Obi-Wan,” Anakin sighed. They paused that way, holding close, staring into each other’s eyes. Almost in disbelief. Disbelief that this was _really_ happening, disbelief that they hadn’t done this sooner. Obi-Wan couldn’t have asked for more, at that very moment. So few things in this galaxy were perfect, but this shared moment came close. He was so proud of the man Anakin had become. Strong, competent, yet able to accept his vulnerability. The ability to embrace one’s own weaknesses was the true sign of maturity.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

From there, it was like they had locked into their battle rhythm. Obi-Wan fucked him hard and fast, kissing and tonguing and just letting _go_. Anakin fucked him right back, one hand fisting his own dick as the other dug against the ground to keep them locked onto the spot. Working in tandem for the same goal, they became one. Their cries rang out, neither caring who heard or knew.

*

The fire had long since died out. A weak, tired crepuscular light crept on them. The sun would be up soon.

Anakin hadn’t slept a wink. He held Obi-Wan from behind, his arm draped over his side and chest, staking the claim Anakin didn’t dare claim out loud. Obi-Wan breathed in and out evenly, still asleep. Maybe he could memorize everything about this moment. How Obi-Wan’s arms were covered in goosebumps from the chill morning air. How he smelled, like soot and sex. How the rocks dug into his hip and how Anakin didn’t _care_ , because everything else about tonight had been— he couldn’t even imagine how it had happened. It was a dream come true. His Master showing him anything resembling affection and even—

But even as Anakin tried to hold on to this moment, he could feel it slipping through his fingers like sand. It wouldn’t last. It was almost over. Soon Obi-Wan would open his eyes and put his armor back on and comm Cody; he’d expect the same of Anakin. If they didn’t go after the droids soon, they’d be sitting ducks. The galaxy and time itself spun on, entirely out of Anakin’s control.

‘If you wish,’ Obi-Wan had said. If Anakin wished, there’d be a next time. But what did that mean? Once more? For how long? Anakin instinctively held Obi-Wan tighter. How could he even guarantee a next time? It’d take just one laser bolt, one hard fall to do Obi-Wan in. However much his Master complained about his recklessness, it was _nothing_ compared to the stunts Obi-Wan pulled. And even leaving aside the question of their mortalities, what guarantee did Anakin even have that Obi-Wan would abide by his word? What if he saw just how worthless Anakin was and changed his mind?

“Mmm,” Obi-Wan murmured. Argh. Anakin had gripped him so tight he’d woken him up. “Look at that sun. Must be time to get up.”

Something in Anakin died. It _was_ over.

Obi-Wan gave Anakin’s hand a light squeeze. Turned and gave him a light kiss. He sat up and stretched like it was just another day. Which it was. Anakin scowled. How could he just… let everything they’d shared last night go so quickly, so easily. “Let’s get going, Anakin. The Republic isn't going to save itself.”

He couldn’t let Obi-Wan see his weakness. Then he’d _know_ . And Anakin was clear on this much: if Obi-Wan ever found out the depth of his anger and frustration and sheer _need_ , he’d be disappointed. That couldn’t happen. Ever. For there to be a ‘next time,’ Obi-Wan could never know. For them to remain the equals Obi-Wan thought they had become. “Coming,” Anakin said. He stood and gripped his lightsaber. If he had to fake his way through battles and missions into being the man Obi-Wan wanted him to be, then he would. “Let’s show them what we’ve got.”


End file.
